Dear DBS

March 22, 2019

 

 

Dear DBS,

 

My father won’t be at my wedding. I am dreading the father/daughter dance that people are expecting. However, I am looking forward to dancing with my 16 year old son who will also be walking me down the aisle. I am not sure what song to dance to...Any ideas?

 

Well, for starters, we are sorry your father will not be attending your event. But DO NOT DREAD THIS DANCE! This is your day and traditions only work in traditional situations, and some of those are simply out of our control. It’s actually fairly common for the bride to dance with another influential male in her life, such as a godfather, brother, or son. It is wonderful that you have included your son in such a special wedding tradition. And the entire goal of this dance is to create a memorable, lasting moment for you and your family members that are present. So try not to worry yourself with what any other guests will think, after all those you are inviting are attending because they know and love you. Don’t get us wrong, we love wedding traditions, but they are meant to increase joy not to make you feel less than.

 

We can definitely suggest some songs, but we would also recommend that you and your son look at the songs and choose together. Selecting something you are both comfortable dancing to is key. We have listed some songs below that aren’t completely overplayed. Happy Song hunting!

 

“You’ve Got a Friend” - James Taylor

“I’ll Be There” - The Jackson 5

“In My Life” - The Beatles

“Lean on Me” - Bill Withers

“God Only Knows” - The Beach Boys

“You Cannot Lose My Love” - Sara Groves

“All You Need is Love” - The Beatles

"Simple Man" - Lynyrd Skynyrd

"I Hope You Dance" - Lee Ann Womack

"My Wish" - Rascal Flats

"A Song for Mama" - Boys II Men

"Stand by Me" - Ben E. King

"Just the Way You Are" - Billy Joel 

"What A Wonderful World" - Louis Armstrong

"Hero" - Mariah Carey 

"How Sweet It Is" - Marvin Gaye

"The Way You Look Tonight" - Frank Sinatra 

"Ain't No Mountain High Enough" - Marvin Gaye 

"Three Times A Lady" - Commodores

"Have I Told You Lately" - Rod Stewart 

"Because You Loved Me" - Celine Deon

"Ill Stand By You" - The Pretenders

 

Dear DBS,

 

I asked a friend to be one of my bridesmaids about 9 months ago. Now we have 4 months to go, but over the past several months she has not been very supportive and, quite frankly,she's just been a bad friend. I no longer feel happy about having her stand with me and being in the photos I will have for the rest of my life. How do I politely ask her to step down so that I can make room for someone who has actually been a friend to me?

 

Sorry to hear things are not going well in this friendship and that it is affecting your special day. This one is very tough to answer without having all the details, but we will give it a go. It sounds like perhaps you have already had some conversations with this friend and that there has been no progress made, but just in case you haven’t had the conversations we would like to go back and start there.

 

Confrontation can be hard and super uncomfortable, but it is completely crucial to lasting relationships. If you haven’t had any conversations, but are feeling unloved and uncared for from afar we would suggest the following as a starting point for conversation. Sit down over a meal or coffee and ask her what’s been going on and depending on her response ask if she still wants to be a part of the wedding? Although we suspect that this particular situation has already gone sour, we must point out for others that there could be so many reasons she is acting the way she is and asking her point blank is both honoring her and showing humility on your part.

 

If you have already tried approaching your friend with your frustrations and disappointments regarding her support to no avail, then you are right, it is probably time to have the hardest conversation of all. The conversation approach will depend heavily on the current relationship status.

 

If you have had multiple conversations that have gone seemingly well, but just haven’t seen any promises come to fruition, then we believe the above approach is still best. One final honest, hard conversation over coffee that gives her the respect of a face-to-face, but lets her know it just doesn’t seem to be working (explaining that from your perspective) and that you don’t see her being part of the wedding.

 

If you are on very bad terms and can barely get a response, or worse, all responses are volatile or defensive, then we realize you may not be able make a face-to-face conversation happen. In that case, over the phone is appropriate. Just be honest and remember it is your wedding and you need to do what’s best for your soon-to-be new family. And, although honesty can hurt, it is still ALWAYS the best policy.

 

If you can not get her to answer the phone after leaving voicemails or texts saying “SOS” or “We need to talk asap” then, of course,  you would simply send a heartfelt text stating something like, “I am so sorry it has come to this, but I feel that our relationship is not where it needs to be for me to feel comfortable having you as a part of my wedding day.” If at this point she brings up hope of mending the relationship, obviously the choice is yours whether to meet up or not. But know that it is appropriate to tell her that your hope is to mend the relationship too,  but at this point that will need to come after your wedding day.

 

We absolutely hope it doesn’t come to this for your friendship, but it sounds like it might. Sometimes  the timing just isn’t right and, as sad as it is, people grow apart. You can’t always control what hard situations are thrown at you, but you can control how you respond. And in this situation that is most important.  Handling it head on, bravely, and with integrity and grace will definitely leave room for hope in the future and give you peace when your head hits the pillow at night.

 

 

Sincerely,

Denton Bridal Show 

 

Have a wedding dilemma or question about planning? Maybe we can help! Whether you are a bride or a groom, MOB or FOB, member of the bridal party or family, or a vendor please send your questions our way and we will do our best to answer them. Contact us on Instagram or via our website contact page. 

 

 

 

 

 

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