DEAR DBS...

May 31, 2019

 

 

Dear DBS,

How to keep your cool as the mother of the bride?  

    

The wedding is just one day, but relationships last a lifetime! Don’t let your wedding create wounds that hinder your relationship for the long-term.  Right, you say.  But how do I keep that from happening amid the stress and decision making?

 

We suggest you start by setting realistic expectations. Your daughter is going to get frustrated, annoyed, and snippy at some point, and you will get your feelings hurt. It’s a fact. But you are in control of how you react in those moments. If you decide ahead of time how you are going to react, whether it’s a rehearsed response you create like “ok darling, it’s your day” or “let’s table this decision and talk about it again tomorrow”, you will have much more self-control  the moment feelings do get involved.

 

We also believe it’s wise for you to sit down with your daughter and ask her what she expects from you. Having a clearly defined roll as a mother of the bride can really help.  Chances are your responsibilities are different from hers. We also suggest that if you have some specific expectations for the ceremony or celebration (for example you really want her to wear Grandma’s necklace with the dress etc..) it is a good idea to let her know up front.  Making sure you are on the same page before you even get started with the planning will give you both more peace of mind.

 

Lisa and her mom made a pact when planning her wedding that the moment they started getting frustrated with each other, they would immediately stop with the planning and go grab lunch, a pedicure, or even a Sonic drink, to remind themselves that the relationship is what really matters, not the plans. Lisa said,  “we actually had a blast, and I think it really helped that we addressed the fact that we were probably going to get on each other’s nerves at some point in the process and came up with a plan up front to deal with it.”

 

So, even if you do all these things will there still be conflict? YES! But the bottom line here is that when push comes to shove, you can be the bigger wo “man”. You can choose to just let it go. There’s a quote we love by Ann Lamott “You can either practice being right, or practice being kind.” Everyone says they’d rather be kind, but the truth is, in the moment, we aren’t always willing to let things go. Be kind to your daughter and help her remember what the day is about, and we believe you will fair just fine.

 

 

Dear DBS,

As a groom, how do I deal with my crazy “MOB”?

 

As a future son-in-law, you are marrying into this family for life, so if you are feeling uncomfortable with your future Mother-in-law, specifically using the word “psychotic”, it’s concerning. We get it, you may just be referring to what happens to most people when they start planning something they’ve been dreaming of for years. All those expectations would make anyone look crazy. But if it’s more than that, you need to be very honest. You don’t want the relationship with either set of parents to drive a wedge between you and your fiancé now or in the future.

 

So our first question is: Are you being honest with your partner about your struggle with mom? Because communication is key. Do you have an open mind when you are talking about in-laws? Are you listening with humility when trying to understand your partner’s point-of-view? These answers will really determine the steps going forward. And as we have said before, you and your partner will need to have many conversations over the course of wedding planning in order to remain a united front.

 

Oh, and there’s one more thing we encourage you to remember; although it may be hard in the thick of it- you don’t know the future!  Those same in-laws that might feel foreign now have the potential to become your future babysitters, caretakers when you are sick, and helpers when you are in trouble.  You never know what will happen, so try not to burn these bridges to the ground. We really believe it’ll be worth the effort.

 

Sincerely,

Denton Bridal Show 

 

Have a wedding dilemma or question about planning? Maybe we can help! Whether you are a bride or a groom, MOB or FOB, member of the bridal party or family, or a vendor please send your questions our way and we will do our best to answer them. Contact us on Instagram or via our website contact page. 

 

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